One night last week at about 1:30 in the morning, I woke up to the sound of splashing liquid and muffled laughter. Through our window I saw some drunken teenagers down on the street below trying to steal our bench. I banged on the window loudly and scared them off.
As I was about to crawl back into bed, I remembered, “Wait, what was that water sound?” I looked down the stairs at our front entrance and realized some asshole had stuck his dick through our mail slot and pissed all over the inside of our front hallway. The rug was all wet about 5 feet inwards and it stank.
That rug really tied the room together.
I pulled on my shoes and a jacket and hopped on my bike and drove around for 5 minutes trying to find the fuckers, but the streets were deserted. I went home and pulled up the rug and mopped it all up and sprayed disinfectant. I went back to bed but I was so upset and riled up that I couldn’t sleep.
Congratulations to Barack Obama. I haven’t felt this happy in years. This is one of those days where you get a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart because you are American. I think it is called pride. Some people around these parts don’t get it, but this is an amazing moment in history. If you are like me, you shed a few tears today. You will probably tell your children about it someday. I wish I was in America today.
To those who didn’t vote for Obama, and are now scared/disappointed/angry/nauseous, I know how you feel. I felt like that for 8 long soul-crushing and embarrassing years. Don’t worry, it’ll get better.
Funny thing. These two men battle each other tooth and nail, only for the winner to be awarded with a bucket of shit, handed to them by the Bush Administration.
Please go vote. This is a historic election, no matter who wins. If you are undecided and want my advice, vote Obama. I like John McCain, I really do. He was my favorite Republican back in 2000, but his time is passed. Maybe if he had chosen a different running mate, I dunno. The Palin choice really shows a serious lack of judgment. This is not a poker game. If McCain, God forbid, were to die in office, Palin would be president. She would then be in control of our armed forces and have easy access to the nuke codes. THE NUKE CODES. Do you really want to face that kind of reality?
While Halloween is gaining in popularity in Germany, it has yet to make a noticeable impact in my neighborhood. For the 3rd year in a row, I have carved jack-o-lanterns and bought candy in the hope that some local kids would ring my bell and yell “Süßes oder Saueres!”, and for the third year in a row, we had no real trick or treaters. I say real because my girlfriend, knowing how disappointed I was with the turnout over the last 2 years, asked a neighbor to bring his kids over to knock on the door. That is almost as pathetic as your mom paying other kids to play with you. Plus, they didn’t have costumes on. It was quite obvious that they didn’t really undestand what they were doing. As I shoved candy into their hands, they gave their dad a look like, “why are we knocking on this stranger’s door and getting candy?”