Most Americans may not know this, but once a year in Europe there is a contest on television called the Eurovision Song Contest. It grabs some of the biggest ratings of the entire year. Every participating country sends their selection to the previous year’s winners and TV viewers call in and vote on their favorite. It’s been going on forever and it’s a big deal over here. Anyway, Finland just won with their submission, Hard Rock Hallelujah, by the band Lordi, Finland’s answer to Gwar.

I actually thought Germany had a chance with their country-styled entry No No Never by Texas Lightning, but they didn’t even make it into the top half. I’ve heard more than one German complain that Germany consistently scores low “because of our history“. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. But I’ll tell you this: all the music sucks. I know it may sound snobbish or elitist to say, but it is true. It all sucks. Period. It’s like Up With People* on Prozac and cocaine. Not a good combo. Don’t argue with me on this one. Although I’m nursing my third glass of wine, I really know what I’m talking about here.

*Full disclosure: UWP Alum Cast D 1995, but let’s keep that between us, okay?